Household Roles

My and Yoko’s roles are well-defined in the house, I think. I do the laundry, wash the dishes, take care of Coko’s litter, vacuum, and organize the house. She cooks, does the cleaning in the shower/sink room and toilet room, and is in charge of the finances. We have our own bank accounts and one joint account. Anything technical, like internet and computers, is my area as well.

We split the chores based on what we like and are good at. Before moving in two years ago, I hadn’t had a dishwasher in over 10 years. Since Yoko has one, I have no problem doing the dishes. She hates doing dishes, so she was happy to give me the job. I hate cleaning but she likes it. So she got those duties. I read somewhere that couples shouldn’t split chores straight 50/50. Instead, try to match chores with the spouse’s strength. For example, if someone is good at the Internet and computers, have them pay the bills online. Yoko and I have basically done that. Since she woks 10-12 hours a day and about 4-6 every weekend, simple things like dishes and vacuuming are timesavers for her. They are just one less thing she has to worry about.

When I first moved in, I tried to do a lot of the cooking. But, honestly, Yoko and I just have very different tastes, and it is easier for me to eat what she cooks than vice versa. After a while, I slowly moved the cooking duties over to her. I’m not a great cook.

We are happy with our chore arrangement. Many of our Japanese friends are surprised at all of the work I do. Most Japanese husbands don’t touch chores. They work, come home, grab a beer, and plant themselves on the couch. When our friend Fujimoto-sensei learned I did the laundry, he asked if I did Yoko’s clothes as well. I said yes, of course. He was surprised. I was confused. After all, if I’m doing laundry, shouldn’t I do all of it? Yoko said that if Japanese husbands to laundry (and a that’s a big if), they will only do their own. I guess they leave the kids and wife to fend for themselves.

As always, thanks for reading. Check back tomorrow for another post.

SAHH

What made you decide to be a SAHM, WAHM, working mom, etc?

I’d classify myself as a Stay At Home Husband, if I had to pick one. I don’t think I really am, since I have a part-time job. But maybe I am, in a sense. I usually don’t have to work until after 5pm, and then it is often less than five days a week.

There are many reasons for my choice. The biggest is that it’s difficult for foreigners to find jobs, even if they speak Japanese fluently. If they don’t speak like a native, their options are even more limited. Most foreigners here are either with the military or teachers. I was in the Japan Exchange and Teaching Programme (JET Programme). After five years, it was mandatory that I leave the program. My job options were severely limited after that.

I took a couple of months off, then got a job. I promised my wife I’d work, even if it was limited. I wasn’t going to depend on her income. Finding a full-time job was almost impossible. As an aspiring (struggling?) writer, I also wanted some time to devote to my craft. Part-time work was the best. My job allows me to write during the day and work in the evenings.

Teachers in Japan work a lot. My wife often works 12-14 hour days. I feel the least I can do is take part of the household burden off her. I help clean, keep the house organized, vacuum, do the laundry, and the dishes. I did the cooking for a while, but Yoko and I have such very different tastes that it is just easier for her to cook dinner for us after work. But she has told me she appreciates all the little stuff I do to help run the house.

The arrangement has been good so far, giving me enough time to be a writer while also being a SAHH. 

Thanks for reading.